Another month, another period- *dramatically collapses to the floor*. Thankfully, you’re not alone. Not only do you get your period, but so do famous people. Stars, they’re just like us! Check out your horoscope below to learn which celebrity shares your sign, and how you can harness their star power during your time of the month. Happy bleeding everyone!
ARIES: March 21 - April 19
If you arrived on planet Earth between these dates, A Star was Born honey! As the most fiery of fire signs, it’s sometimes hard for you to hide your Poker Face when your period hits. Don’t fret, not only were you Born This Way, but you were also born under the same sign as Queen of Pop Lady Gaga herself. Just like Gaga, you’re not Shallow, but you certainly live for the Applause and are never Speechless.There can be 100 people in the room who don’t believe in you, but it only takes 1 Lady Gaga to carry you through your period. (Stream Stupid Love!!)
TAURUS: April 20 - May 20
She’s fun, she’s fierce, she’s the top model who once dated a member of One Direction and The Jonas Brothers (Sophie Turner is shaaaaaking). I’m sure there are multiple people who fit into this category, but I’m talking about the one and only Gigi Hadid. Of course you share a sign! So what if you don’t have her 50 million Instagram followers? You definitely have the vibe of someone who potentially one day could have 50 million Instagram followers...and don’t you forget it! Remember: you’re Gigi and your period is Jake Paul. You got this, take him DOWN!
GEMINI: May 21 - June 20
You’re the twin constellation, so naturally you have to call on the “power of the pair” this month. But hmmm, which set? Dylan and Cole Sprouse? Beyoncé’s babies? NO! When the cramps hit, you’re gonna wanna channel the most extra of extra duos- the Olsen Twins!! Mary-Kate and Ashley have done *EVERYTHING*. TV, music, movies, philanthropy, fashion...you name it. Not only are they icons, they are BUSINESS WOMEN. MK & A have been getting things DONE since they were literal babies. It’s exactly the kind of powerful energy you’ll need to conquer the crimson wave. You got this dude!
CANCER: June 21 - July 22
How do you make sure that even when you’re on ur period, you’re still loving, you’re living, you’re picking it up? I think you know where I’m going with this. The second your PMS hits, I need you to put on your biggest hoodie, tie your hair up in the tightest pony, and start singing the highest whistle tones you possibly can. Get Nonna on speed dial, because this month you’ll be getting your warrior inspo from Ariana Grande. Only a Dangerous Woman like Ari will be able to cure the period blues. She’ll have you saying thank u, next to allllll your cramps until next month. K bye for now!
LEO: July 23 - August 22
Siiiiiigh, what a dream. One day you’re an actress, and the next, you’re marrying a Prince (and the next day you’re separating from the royal family to live a fabulously quiet life in Canada). If Meghan Markle can live a fairy tale life, so can you! This ex-Duchess has elegance, class and beauty- so look to her if your period has you feeling like a peasant. Pop on a fake british accent and start practicing your regal wave. You certainly don’t need to be a royal to act like one (Meg knows that!!), and you deserve to be a *QUEEN* during the most annoying week of the month. Follow Meghan’s lead and you’ll be ready to rule your period in no time!
VIRGO: August 23 - September 22
Your period can often leave you feeling the complete opposite of Flawless. If it just makes you wanna curl up in bed with a bag of Flamin Hot Cheetos, just invision Beyoncé. Have you ever seen Beyoncé’s hair a mess? No. Have you ever seen Beyoncé flub a dance move? Absolutely not. Have you ever heard Beyoncé’s vocals sound less than majestic? Never not even once, and how dare you even suggest it. Beyoncé is perfection in human form. But guess what? SO ARE YOU. And don’t you forget it. Now, go Run the World sis!
LIBRA: September 23 - October 22
When you’re 2 or 3 days deep into your period, it may feel like you’re losing the match between you and Aunt Flo. She just spiked a tennis ball right into your uterus and she’s about to snatch the Grand Slam title away from you. **blows WHISTLE** Well I’m about to call foul on her unsportsmanlike behaviour! Thankfully, you can beat your cycle by channeling the unstoppable Serena Williams. With the greatest athlete of all time by your side, you’ll be able to backhand Aunt Flo into oblivion. Game, set, period MATCHED.
SCORPIO: October 23 - November 21
Everywhere we look, there’s a Kardashian. They’re on our TVs, they’re all over our timelines, they’re in ads and runways and back stage at Kanye concerts. You can’t go a day without thinking about America’s fav fam, and it’s all due to the relentless work of the world’s most powerful momager. Don’t worry, you don’t need to rock a power suit to emulate Kris Jenner during your time of the month! All you need to do is run your period like she runs her empire and show it WHO’S BOSS. In the words of our fearless cultural leader herself, “[substitue ur name here], you’re doing amazing sweetie!”
SAGITTARIUS: November 22 - December 21
Sometimes your period feels like it Can’t be Tamed, and comes into your life like a Wrecking Ball. Although We Can’t Stop Aunt Flo from coming to town, you can harness the vibe of Miley Cyrus to get yourself through it. Ya’ll, you KNOW Miley does whatever she wants when she wants to (like divorce from Liam womp womp). This is the fearless Sag energy that will hold you to the end of your March cycle! Your period is Hannah Montana, and you’re Miley taking a sledgehammer to her. Nobody’s Perfect, but with Miley on your side, you’ll have the perfect period!
CAPRICORN: December 22 - January 19
Simply put, Aunt Flo is not the smartest student in class. She’s loud, she sometimes comes in late and she never reaaaaaally listens to the teacher (you, lol). So how do you school your period? You carry yourself like the smartest woman on the planet: Michelle Obama. Sure, she’s the First Lady of our hearts, but did you know she also attended both Princeton and Harvard Law School? There’s no way Aunt Flo won’t end up in detention if you have Michelle’s attitude. Don’t forget, when your period goes low, you go high!
AQUARIUS: January 20 - February 18
When you think about it, it makes sense that the most powerful woman in the world, Oprah, is an Aquarius. Especially because you probs all have some sort of conspiracy about how she’s head of the Illuminati or something, right? I knew it, you wonderful weirdos. Regardless if Oprah is a lizard person or not, she undoubtedly reigns supreme. If you’re not feeling super confident during your period, just remember that Oprah is the cover girl of her own magazine… every… single... month. YOU get a stress free period, YOU get a stress free period, EVERYBODY GETS A STRESS FREE PERIOD!!!
PISCES: February 19 - March 20
SOS! The cramps! The bloating! The break outs! The constant changing of your tampon! The MOODINESS! I know you’d rather your period last Fourfiveseconds than four or five days, but luckily Rihanna is on your side. She is the Only Girl (in the World) who’ll be able to help you run this period like you Run this Town. Own your period like Rihanna owns the music studio, the runway AND her own make-up line. Now you better work, work, work, work, work, work, work, work!
My little stars, that’s all for this month! See you in April for your next cycle ;)